Life and Other Things

Forever. It feels meaningless when people say it. Nothing lasts forever. It never does. Even if we want it to. People leave. They die. Things change. Forever has always been a lie. A promise that can only be broken. An idea everyone knows is false. A thing we want to believe,  But still know to be untrue. Forever. You, you make me believe in forever. That our love might actually be eternal. That there’s a place I won’t have to leave. At your side, forever becomes real. No romantic fantasy no one actually believes, But a thing of substance, hope. In your arms, I feel it. When you kiss me, it glows inside me. Eternity. Forever.  And I believe you when you say Forever. And I mean it when I say Forever. With you, it’s true.  You’ll have my heart forever. In all eternity.  And I believe you when you say I have yours, forever. Forever. When you say it, I believe it. When I say it to you, I know it’s true. Forever. I don’t know how, or why. But I know it’s true. You’re my f...

I would kill for you. I would die for you. But most importantly, I would live for you. I'd live for you,  No matter the cost. I'd live for you, No matter what. I'd live for you. I'd survive everything Just to get back to you.  To keep my promise To always be at your side. Forever. I'd do anything So that you'll never lose me. So you'll never have to Go through that kind of loss again. I'd protect myself Just to protect you. I'd live for you,  No matter the cost. I'd live for you, No matter what. I'd live for you. I'd face hell, Burn everything, Suffer through the greatest pain,  Endure anything, Just to be at your side. To hold your hand, To prove to you You won't ever lose me. I'd always come back to you, No matter what. No one and nothing Can keep me from you. Not even Death. I'd live for you,  No matter the cost. I'd live for you, No matter what. I'd live for you.

When I showed you all of myself, You whispered "perfect" And made me feel beautiful Like a piece of art, no longer broken. And I'm yours I'll always be I'll make you mine Keep you forever You showed me your soul The darkest places of yourself And I will keep you safe Give you all my love, my light. I'll stand by your side Face my fears, and yours Just to love you, to keep my promise To always be with you. And I'm yours I'll always be I'll make you mine Keep you forever You hold my heart in your hands You pierced my soul with your fingers Made me yours Claimed me like no one has before. And I gave you pieces of my soul That you'll carry in your heart forever Wherever you go, wherever we are There are pieces of me with you. And I'm yours I'll always be I'll make you mine Keep you forever And I'm yours I'll always be I'll make you mine Keep you forever

I'm sitting in darkness again, wrapped up in it like a comfortable blanket hiding my shape from the world. A world I no longer belong to, disconnected like the dead but still breathing, wandering. Darkness is like a shield, a trusted friend with whom I can let go of the mask, stop pretending to live. For while I'm still wandering this earth, my soul has died with them and all that's left is an empty shell and a broken promise. And still I wander, going through the motions at day but the night is mine for the darkness mirrors my soul. Quiet it lays over my heart, enveloping me in its gentle touch holding space for everything that's lost while I beckon Death.

When that word bubbled up inside of him for the first time, he didn't think much of it. Like a spark from a fire, it burned for a tiny moment and went dark again. By now, he couldn't even remember that one, only that there had been other moments in time when he encountered it. The next time it bubbled up within him was when he already knew the others - Riley and Vaex. When they had already grown close. The moment he'd remember until the end of his existence was when Riley tried to get to Marston, and he kept him from doing so, pulling him into an alley. The moment when Riley broke free and, just for a moment, it looked like he might kill him.. that's when this word bubbled up inside of him again, throwing him off. All that kept him level-headed was his war experience, and focusing on his friend . Getting Riley through this, keeping him safe. So, when Vaex arrived, that was all he was thinking of - keeping Riley safe, even if that'd cost him his life. While this word...

I never asked for this position.  I never wanted to have it.  I never wanted to be that.  The Most Important Person in Your Life. I don't get how you want to be that for someone.  Or how you feel like it could be something I would want.  Like a gift I didn't ask for,  Unwelcome, I have to live with now. People expecting me to be happy.  Excited.  Grateful, even. Like it's something beautiful. Nice. Cute. And I don't get it.  I hate that position. I don't want it.  It's uncomfortable. Puts pressure on me. Expectations.  I don't want that. Not from you. Not from anyone. I don't want to be Your Most Important Person.  I don't want to be compared. I don't want to be in competition with others. I don't want to be in a hierarchy. I don't want your pedestal. I want to be myself. I want to be equal, Yours, and your other people's.  You tell me I'm Your Most Important Person. For you, it's a compliment. Meant as something cute, lov...

My world is crashing down around me. Rubble everywhere, big chunks of me breaking to  a thousand pieces when touching the ground. It feels like rain, just that it's not made of water but of all the things my world is made of. Love. Compassion. Joy. Happiness. Light. Community. Connections. Colors. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there, watching. Still, unmoving. Sometimes, a smile crosses my face, when something shows parts of its past beauty, its value to me, while crashing down. It's getting darker by the second. I do realize it happening, but at the same time, it feels so familiar that I'm not sure if I just imagined it having been brighter before. My memories darken, too. I may even have lost even more. Who knows? Part of me is wondering why I'm all alone. Another is convinced it has never been any other way. Were these dreams? Are those memories? Sometimes, I can see strings leading somewhere, and when I think about these things, some of them seem to be tugged a...

I had a friend once, whom I still remember fondly. I also miss him, a lot. We met while playing text-based online role play. Over time, we bonded, similarly to our characters, slowly growing closer. It's been a long time. I was in my teens when we were close, and when I lost him. He had a huge impact in my life - even if he may not even know. At the time, though, he was my best friend . And also one of very few, all of them being very far away. We wrote letters to each other, like real pen on paper ones. We also planned to meet up. It wasn't easy, with the both of us still being dependent on our parents, living in different parts of the country. He sent me gifts I still have to this day, and whenever I see them, I think of him, of our connection - and most often, I begin to cry. Because I really miss him, so much. I remember us texting every day . He played a huge part in keeping me sane, not falling victim to my depression too much, keeping hope. One of those memories I...

It's like I've been swimming in an ocean, never knowing where I am, if I move or not, and if I do, if it's in circles or has direction. All my life, I've been swimming, trying not to drown. For most of it, I've been on my own - or even pushed under water by those supposed to help me. There's no land I can see. Nothing to rest on, nothing to hold on to. Just these endless waves of cold water all around me, and it's infinite depths. Sometimes, there have been people. On boats, trying to help me. Giving me some kind of shelter, some kind of a break. Sometimes, they're there, shouting out for me - and I still don't see them, don't hear them. Fighting against the waves on my own again, although I don't need to. Thing is.. I need to be aware of them being there to be able to get their help. They can't reach me otherwise. When my fear of drowning is too strong, though, in the moments where I'd need them the most, I can't see them...

I'm broken. When I move, I hear the clinking and crunching of all the broken pieces of my self. Even only breathing, I feel these shards rubbing against each other. Constant pain. I just want to be held, tightly, as not to move, just for a moment. To feel whole again, not just all these pieces of myself scrambled together. I want to be held, and, just for a moment, feel safe in this horrible world with my damaged self. I miss the warmth of another body. The love in your eyes, shining a warm light towards the fragments of light inside me. I miss the gentle touch of your skin, reminding me that I'm not dead, neither my body nor my soul. I miss the smile reminding me of my beauty, of my strength. I miss your smell, reminding me that I'm not alone. Miss your voice encouraging me. All I see, all I hear, are just my own head's lies, its monsters. Unworthy. Unlovable. Alone. Cold. Hurt. Broken. A million pieces. And I'm wondering.. maybe.. But I don't want to...

I had a bodily presence. It was constantly changing, but some things stayed the same. My voice was deep, resonating, and still soft. I didn't speak much. Didn't need to. I did not belong to the people I was with, but I was still part of them. They respected me, feared me to some extend. Me and what I could do. But I was, even though I didn't belong, part of them - part of their lives, their culture, their faith. I was where I belonged, even though I did not belong to them. My body was covered in orange silk-like fabric. I was hooded, and the fabric flowed around my body like a soft breeze that was caught and held in place. It seemed to change like my body did, but not as apparent. It didn't cover very much of my skin, but enough. My skin was dark and reflected the light, which made me seem to glow. Not quite black, but a dark brown. My appearance changed - sometimes, I was more feminine, sometimes more masculine, sometimes none of those. It changed from squishy or fat ...